pre-departure

2012-01-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

Since coming home for break I have been busy making small steps towards being ready to depart on Wednesday (Jan.11th) but there's still so much to be done!

Instead of continuing my detailed packing and planning, however, I've found myself wanting to enjoy where I'm at. Enjoy sleeping in my bed until 10:30 a.m., eating Dad's famous chili and calculus cookies, hanging out with friends till the wee hours of the morning, watching movies with my parents, running and lifting weights with my brother, and catching up with newly developed friendships from this fall semester.
This is truly a blessing and is now reaching its peak, but I'm ready to be abroad. Ready to discover the undiscovered and experience the unkown. I've been awaiting this period in my life for some time now and it's finally come!

In the past, (and most of you know this) I was always looking ahead, always ready to move on to my next activity, meeting, class, coffee/workout date, homework assignment, etc. but (and hopefully most of you know this as well) I've slowly moved away from being this hyperactive woman. Being a person I don't want to be: so busy that I no longer enjoy the things I love...so busy that I no longer know who I am...so busy that I don't have time for the most important things in my life...

Before returning to school in August (2011) I had severe anxiety about not playing soccer. God completely called me out of being on the team in the spring (again 2011) and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. The girls were more than just my team mates, they were my friends. I felt that removing myself from the team meant I was abandoning them, leaving them in the dust. Even writing these words now brings me agony to remember telling the entire program I was no longer going to play.

This last semester was difficult on a variety of levels but primarily in regard to academics. I can't imagine being in 8 classes in addition to playing soccer. I discovered more about myself and about the world than I probably am still aware of.

I had put my identity in school, soccer, my hobbies, my likes/dislikes, for too long...and I was tired of it.

This fall (2011) entailed:
- building on already solid friendships and establishing new ones
- realizing I fail at life all the time and don't need/want to be an overachiever
- learning that being perfect is impossible and boring (The only things that's perfect? God's love)
- being honest with myself, others, and the Lord
- TRUSTING
- God slowly revealing my true self (still going on...)

Although I care so incredibly much for my family and friends, I need this. I need to get away and find myself again. I fear that overtime I've slowly been hiding. Underneath all that I do, is all that I am. Not only do I want to see and feel this but I want the world to see and feel this as well. I'm praying that the Lord will continue His precious work within my being and that I will not lose heart. For this is much to scrape off and throw away before I reach the top of this mountain I've been climbing.

I'm not sure what is at the summit but I have a feeling the view will be spectacular!

adventures in Wales

pre-departure